Coaching 101

When I was young, I played soccer. We had a coach who used to run up and down the field telling us where we were supposed to be and yelling “Be there Woodview, be there!”. It was annoying. Very, very annoying.

However, she was always right about where we needed to be.

We were in the thick of things and only dealing with whatever was right in front of us. We had no ability to see the entire picture. So many times, I would have gone one direction when the coach was yelling for me to go another. She was (I will begrudgingly admit) rarely wrong.

With the benefit of hindsight, I can now see that her expertise came from not being in the thick of things. It was because she was standing on the sidelines that she was able to be a good coach. She saw the whole picture while I could only see what was happening to me at a particular time.

When we are in the middle of a court proceeding, we are on the proverbial soccer field. We are dodging ‘soccer balls’, playing defense and trying to work our way up to score a goal. Our focus, and that of our lawyers, is on the immediate needs of the file. A good advocate will be in the trenches with you, fighting the good fight and having your back. They are on your team and work with you to move your file forward.

What a divorce coach can do is be on the sidelines watching the matter as a whole and giving guidance. While the coach is not a lawyer, a good coach has experience in the legal profession so that they can see what the “play” looks like and predict how best to move forward.

Coaching can include

1. Helping people work on their communication style if it is affecting forward movement (we see this a lot with parents adjusting to a new parenting schedule);
2. Preparing for court;
3. Planning parenting activities;
4. Goal setting and remaining accountable;
5. Finding legal counsel, accountants, counsellors or other professionals to assist in the separation;
6. Managing stress during the legal process; and
7. Anything else that can support a person going through a divorce.

I have had 12 years of experience in family law – on both sides. I worked as a family lawyer for many years and I have been divorced 4 times. On a professional level I have done mediations, court applications and trials at the provincial court and supreme court level. I have prepared marriage agreements and separation agreements. I have represented people who have had their children taken by the Ministry and I have helped people complete adoptions. On a personal level, I have experienced all types of divorce – an acrimonious divorce with property division, no children and high powered lawyers; an amicable divorce with children where we came up with creative co-parenting solutions; a desk order divorce which was a relief; and a divorce that I never actually wanted.

Like any good coach, I have personal experience and knowledge in the area. I know what it is like to be in the trenches both as a lawyer and as a client. Now, as I assist from the sidelines, I hope to add value to your experience by relying on mine.